who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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