before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wear drunk well.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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