I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
