i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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