Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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