Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
