I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
