No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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