halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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