Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
