Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
