come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
