my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
