Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
