So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
