After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
