A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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