but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
