I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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