...so i touched it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
