he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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