My hand turned me down
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
In America we eat man semen.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
