Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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