he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
