We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
