the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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