mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
