We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
