What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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