You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
