I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
