My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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