i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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