Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
