the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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