I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
