apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she told me i tasted like america
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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