would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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