just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
