k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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