He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
