Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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