haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
