no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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