Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
