you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
