He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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