I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
