he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I deserve this hangover.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
