38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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