god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
