apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
