I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize