It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
