Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
