I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
