my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You made out with two different species that night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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