Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
