Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
