the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
