My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
